Every one of my paintings has an ugly phase.
A phase where I have fleeting thoughts of I can’t do this, who do I think I am? A phase where I want to quit. Give up.
But, the hopeless thoughts come quickly and leave quickly. Oh, I am thinking too much again. It is not to be taken seriously. I keep going and I trust. I trust the layers of paint. And then it happens… layer after layer the beauty begins to shine though.
This morning I woke up a little cranky, a little sad, a little overwhelmed. I started to feel anxious about that sadness, worried because I have so much to do – my thinking mind was at work again. After I moped around a little bit, unsure of where to start, I decided to put a self-care plan into place. What do I need? Immediately, a shower. A walk with the dogs. A green smoothie. A cup of warm tea. Valor essential oil.
I’m in my studio now, heater on, masala chai tea in my sweet Anthropologie mug warming my hands. It is remarkable how much comfort a warm, beautiful mug gives me.
As I sit here, I am looking at the painting on my easel. This painting and I worked through the ugly phase together last night. It makes my heart sing when I look at her today. We did it! I showed up, opened my heart and trusted the spiritual process. It is the practice I rely on for every painting. It is the process that guides me through every problem, every blog post, every rough day, and leads to every inspired idea.
Each painting is a connection with The Divine. It is that simple, really.
Beauty and love shine through.
I’m feeling better.