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Beauty Shines Through

 

Every one of my paintings has an ugly phase.

A phase where I have fleeting thoughts of I can’t do this, who do I think I am?  A phase where I want to quit.  Give up.

But, the hopeless thoughts come quickly and leave quickly.  Oh, I am thinking too much again.  It is not to be taken seriously.   I keep going and I trust.  I trust the layers of paint.  And then it happens… layer after layer the beauty begins to shine though.

This morning I woke up a little cranky, a little sad, a little overwhelmed.  I started to feel anxious about that sadness, worried because I have so much to do – my thinking mind was at work again.  After I moped around a little bit, unsure of where to start, I decided to put a self-care plan into place.   What do I need?  Immediately, a shower.  A walk with the dogs.  A green smoothie.  A cup of warm tea.   Valor essential oil.

I’m in my studio now, heater on, masala chai tea in my sweet Anthropologie mug warming my hands.   It is remarkable how much comfort a warm, beautiful mug gives me.

As I sit here, I am looking at the painting on my easel.  This painting and I worked through the ugly phase together last night.   It makes my heart sing when I look at her today.  We did it!  I showed up, opened my heart and trusted the spiritual process.  It is the practice I rely on for every painting.  It is the process that guides me through every problem, every blog post, every rough day, and leads to every inspired idea.

Each painting is a connection with The Divine.  It is that simple, really.

Show-up

Open-up

Allow

Trust

Let go

Beauty and love shine through.

 

I’m feeling better.

 

YAY!!!  WILD Sister is out today!!!  Topic: Women I admire.  I did my first ever interview via Skype recorder and it is with the gorgeous Goddess Leonie!  We had SO much fun!  Love love love!!!

 

Filed Under: Blog     Tagged With: , , , March 1, 2012    By     11 Comments

What to Do When You Get Pulled Over for Speeding

This afternoon I got pulled over by a police officer in a huge SUV.

He followed me for a long time before finally turning his lights on.  I couldn’t breathe.  I was panicking inside.  I knew I was speeding, because when I drove past him, I glanced down at my speed.  72 miles an hour.  OMG.  What is the speed limit on that road?  45? 55?

(For the record, I am not a speeder, usually.  My husband often gets annoyed with me for driving too slow and being afraid to drive more than a few miles over the speed limit on highways.)

The officer came to my window and asked for my license and registration.  I handed them to him and he said he would be back in a moment.  He walked back into his SUV behind me.

I felt like I was 7 years old and in big trouble.  I actually felt like crying.  But I’m not seven and I am allowed to make a mistake and speed and I am allowed to get a ticket.  I do not need to be perfect and good all the time.

I was starting to feel less panicked.  I can handle this, I thought.  It’s okay.

Then I realized that I could add my powerful loving energy to the situation.  I called in all the angels around me and asked for their help.  I would send love to the officer.  Like, big time loving thoughts, prayers and blessings.  I closed my eyes.  I imagined beams of white light swirling around him and his vehicle.  I wished only good for him and his family.  I hoped he felt abundant and loved.   I prayed that he would be safe and appreciated in his work.  I imagined a beam from my heart to his- soul to soul- may you be happy, may you shine, may you have peace.

The thing about sending love to someone else is that it always comes back around again to me.  I felt washed over in caring and compassion for this guy.  It didn’t even matter at all if I got a ticket by the time he came back to my car.

I had found love instead of fear.

He leaned down toward my window and made eye contact with me.  He said, “I really don’t want to give you a speeding ticket.  So I’m going to give you this lesser traffic violation from the township.  It won’t go on your record or cost nearly as much.”

He explained a little more about how to mail the ticket and really minimized it’s importance.  He seemed almost sad that he had to give me a ticket at all.

With complete presence I said, “Thank you so much for being so nice to me.”

He replied, “Thank you, for being so nice to me.”

And then he stood in the road and held traffic back, waving me on when it was safe to pull out and into the road.

Thank you.  May you be well.

 

Filed Under: Blog     Tagged With: , , February 16, 2012    By     34 Comments

indie market

A while back a wrote a post about doing art shows and what a disaster it was for me- it was about 8 years ago, when I first started selling my art.  It cracks me up when I think about it now.  I mean, it was a stay-in-bed-for-three-days-afterward-disaster.  Anyway, I haven’t done a show since, but I just sent in an application for an adorable indie art show in my town.  It is an indoor market which is so much more doable then the grand outdoor events requiring tents and good weather.

But here was the thing: I had to submit a photo that showed a display of my work.  I haven’t done a show since SO long ago and my art has change so much since then.  I didn’t have a photo of my display.  This might sound silly, but not having a photo of my display completely stopped me in my tracks.  My brain started going with a tape of negative thoughts with a zillion reasons why I will not be able to get a good enough photo.

So I sat with that for a couple of days.  At one point I decided to just scrap the whole thing.  Nevermind it.  But then I realized that this is a pattern with me.   I decide I will not be able to do something before I even try.  I make up limiting beliefs about things being too hard and taking too long to be worth it.  I become fearful if I have an idea but cannot see the end result before starting.  I guess limiting myself is a way to keep myself from failure- don’t have photo, don’t apply, don’t get in, problem solved. (snip snap)

But for some reason this time, I noticed the negative pattern and it sent me into motion instead of leaving me stuck.

I called a  good friend for some advice, borrowed some supplies and began working on my display table.  In my studio!  I had NO vision whatsoever of what it should look like.  I blasted Mumford and Sons radio on Pandora.  And I just did it.

It really doesn’t matter if I am in the show or not.  Don’t get me wrong- I would love to be in it.  But, if I am not, that is good too.  Because I did what I needed to do.  Even though I was unsure and it felt like too much work.  Even though I didn’t know how.  It turns out that it was pretty easy and painless.  All of the fear was completely in my mind.  (Isn’t it always?)

So next I will tackle my limiting beliefs about making videos, books, e-books, (insert any one of my endless list of creative ideas.)  Hopefully I am growing and becoming braver with each day.  Today it really feels like I am.

***

PS: I learned about the riding the wild donkey technique from my friend, Amanda, just before I took action instead of worrying.  It really helped.  Thank you Goddess Leonie!

Filed Under: Blog     Tagged With: , August 10, 2011    By     24 Comments