Every one of my paintings has an ugly phase.
A phase where I have fleeting thoughts of I can’t do this, who do I think I am? A phase where I want to quit. Give up.
But, the hopeless thoughts come quickly and leave quickly. Oh, I am thinking too much again. It is not to be taken seriously. I keep going and I trust. I trust the layers of paint. And then it happens… layer after layer the beauty begins to shine though.
This morning I woke up a little cranky, a little sad, a little overwhelmed. I started to feel anxious about that sadness, worried because I have so much to do – my thinking mind was at work again. After I moped around a little bit, unsure of where to start, I decided to put a self-care plan into place. What do I need? Immediately, a shower. A walk with the dogs. A green smoothie. A cup of warm tea. Valor essential oil.
I’m in my studio now, heater on, masala chai tea in my sweet Anthropologie mug warming my hands. It is remarkable how much comfort a warm, beautiful mug gives me.
As I sit here, I am looking at the painting on my easel. This painting and I worked through the ugly phase together last night. It makes my heart sing when I look at her today. We did it! I showed up, opened my heart and trusted the spiritual process. It is the practice I rely on for every painting. It is the process that guides me through every problem, every blog post, every rough day, and leads to every inspired idea.
Each painting is a connection with The Divine. It is that simple, really.
Show-up
Open-up
Allow
Trust
Let go
Beauty and love shine through.
I’m feeling better.
YAY!!! WILD Sister is out today!!! Topic: Women I admire. I did my first ever interview via Skype recorder and it is with the gorgeous Goddess Leonie! We had SO much fun! Love love love!!!
Hello friends! I'm Lori Portka. I make art with the intention to radiate love and healing. 
Beautiful post! Lori, I also go through the same process every time I paint. I call it the – can I pull this one out of the crapper time? Before you add the highlights and the outlines and the deeper richer colors, a painting can look pretty dull. or when you accidently spill something on it. or colors bleed, etc.
When I have a bad day i ask myself – how can i realign with love …towards myself? How can i be more accepting, compassionate, fair and kind with myself? And that always snaps me back to at least a better place if not a perfect place.
Love, Rita Loyd
Rita, Thank you for your comment- you write the sweetest, most thoughtful things. I so appreciate you and I’m so glad we met. Yes, with colorful artwork like ours, I bet our ugly phases are even more dramatic! I like what you said about realigning to yourself. Yes to that.
So glad I dropped by for a visit, today!!! :]
Beautifully written… thank you for sharing your inner thoughts and your process of painting. ((hugs))
Something very magical arises, when we see, read, and gain an understanding about about other creative people.
That not, “everything is perfect” or “we all meet challenges” along our artful journey, is okay. We learn, grow, and except the beauty of our work in the end. <3
By the way… this painting is beautiful!!
They look so in love with each other and life. :]
Have a wonderful Thursday.
Yes! Even though I’ve thought these same thoughts, it feels so good to have someone else speak about it, and know I’m not alone. When I write words or post photos, I almost always doubt myself at some point in the process — but when I remember that these voices are not truth and that it feels much better to me to just go with the flow and follow intuition, I feel good with my end product 🙂
Hey Lori, I recently stumbled across your blog. Beautiful art!
Love this post! It is so true about many things in life. As I discuss with those I work with and as a reminder to myself, it is all part of the process. We must remember that our goals don’t always come easy, but when they are achieved it’s an amazing feeling!
Your painting is lovely. Full of warmth light and love. Your connection with the Divine is divine…shining all the way into my office. Thank you for that;)
Lori, the first time I saw your art, I could absolutely feel Divine Love flowing into my heart. Every time I look at your paintings, that feeling – that essence – happens all over again. I just LOVE this: Show up, Open up, Allow, Trust, Let Go, Beauty and Love shine through…
Thank you for being YOU. I love you!
Hi Lori ! Thank you for your always inspiring posts ! I get so stuck at the ugly phases of what feels like everything lately ! So next time I am following your lead… and one of these days I will celebrate along with you 😉 (Even though it makes me just as happy to ready this and celebrate FOR you and your perseverance !)
I hope you are well !
Love, Kate
Hi Lori, this painting of yours is really beautiful. It has something fleeting yet abiding in it. Your art seems to encourage adults to be more childlike and to hold on to what’s truly important in life.
Warm wishes,
Anjali
xoxo
I so love your blog…it feels like your in my head and heart and visiting here I always realize I am not quite so alone in my sometimes bumpy creative process…I just joined The Goddesss Leonie Circle at the beginning of June:D I’ve not quite dived in yet but what I see so far looks so wonderful:D