Every time my alarm would go off in the morning I would feel a deep dreading. Pulling the covers over my head, I would give just about anything to not have to get up.
I read lots of spiritual books, go to conferences, workshops, therapists, healers… I am a spiritual seeker rooted in love, and yet I was doing work that did not fill my soul.
It was this way for a long time. I felt defeated. Angry. Jealous. Frustrated. Scared. Stuck. Resentful.
I saw people who were clearly doing work they were meant to be doing for the world and I often felt equal parts inspired and envious. I even stopped following one person on twitter because all her overjoyed tweets regarding one creative endeavor after another made me mad with jealously. I wanted what she had.
Slowly, I began to ease up on my frustration and soften a bit. I began to allow things to be as they were, more often. I started praying each morning, “How may I serve?” I was open to answers. The answers came in serving where I was on that day. I started showing up fully present in the job I was in, knowing that I still had work to do right there. I felt there must be some reason I was still working that job. I started making LOVE my purpose. Loving my students, loving the parents I worked with, loving the grocery store check out person, loving my mom on the phone.
I wasn’t perfect at this by any stretch. And, I still had bouts of frustration and doubt sprinkled throughout.
But I shifted my perspective.
And slowly, but surely, things began to change.
I am learning more and more that it is the subtle shifts in perspective that pave the way for big changes.
-finding a speck of gratitude in situations where there seems to be nothing to be grateful about
-focusing on what I adore about my husband when all I can see are his faults
-accepting what is instead of fighting the situation
-relaxing with a cup of tea, two large dogs and my favorite magazine just to feed my soul, even when my mind is racing with “shoulds.”
All of this makes a difference in my heart, which in turn, allows me to better serve the world and propels me further into a life I love. Little steps forward…so grateful.
Hello friends! I'm Lori Portka. I make art with the intention to radiate love and healing. 
AH….beautiful, beautiful, beautiful—you & your words.
Such truth here, my friend. Finding the specks of gratitude, one step at a time, showing up with love for whatever is right in front of us, sweet, gentle baby steps. And we all have each other’s hands to hold…I’m so grateful for that.
loving you,
Julia
P.S: Oh, and that painting….I feel freer just looking at it. ?
You share such parts of you that I admire and honour. I resonated with what you wrote and have moved and shifted in similar ways. What a gorgeous painting. Thank you for sharing.
Jules x
boy can i relate!! i use to be the same way a long time ago until i read john gray’s book: How To Get What You Want and Want What You Have. something shifted in me and i came to accept where i was in life instead of always fighting it and being angry. i’m still not fully where i want to be in life, and at times it can be frustrating…but like you i feel there must be a reason and so i gently keep plugging away by shifting my attitude with writing out 5 gratitudes a day, doing a lot of visioning work, and work at changing my beliefs around being a financially successful artist!
i really like your words…how can i serve…i’m going to try and wake up with that in mind!!
Lori, this just filled my heart with so much love today. That painting is breathtaking. Your words hit home so deeply. I cherish you and love you dearly.
Oh yes, you’ve described me here. Resentful – bitter, bored oh my – am I bored in my everyday job – but you are soooo right – I think I’m slowly beginning to understand this – it’s really about the attitude – hope the intellect can drop into the heart so I really can learn to life this way – great post thankful so much for sharing these words, thoughts – yourself with us.
Love it… And you. 🙂
You spoke the words I needed to hear today. Thank you so much.
Thank you for confirming what I always believed in my heart and soul. I’m glad to know there are others who feel the way I do. Let’s keep spreading God’s Love around…it’s contagious!
It is not a matter of thinking a great deal but of loving a great deal, so do whatever arouses you most to love. Mother Teresa
Lori…from where I stand…and kneel, you’re doing the very thing you’re most aroused by; forever loving. It is effective and quite stunning.
More Love To You & Through You, Debby
You just gave me a new way to start the day. Thank you.
It’s amazing at how the tiniest shifts in perspective can change our points-of-view and how we meet and greet the world. You are such an inspiration in spreading the seeds of your love!
I’m printing this out and bringing it to work. THANK YOU.
I love this message of just accepting what makes us happy. Beautiful post and art- I was introduced to it through the latest issue of Artful Blogging. :)~M
Beautiful, Lori. I am amazed at how this journey unfolds, just with a little willingness to let love lead the way. Thank you for sharing yours. It is so important. You are beauty! Sending love.
Dearest sweet lori, oh my i feel exactly the same way every morning having to wake up and go to know…such a drag! Today’s topic really touch me close at heart! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and perspective! I want to print this out and stick it on my inspiration board…if it’s okay with you as a sweet reminder to me. 🙂 Have a lovely merry happy weekend and love to you!
“…it is the subtle shifts in perspective that pave the way for big changes.”
Amazing. So beautifully said. And absolutely true.
This post is a great reminder for me – thank you for that.
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Love this message, Lori. Thank you, thank you. Will this painting be available? What a fabulous reminder…I want it on my wall! Tomorrow I will begin with “Hello World! How may I serve?” You continue to AMAZE me. You are a gift to the world!
Wow! Your space is sooooo happy here. Can we be friends? Thanks so much for your inspiration. I’m happy to have discovered you today!
I just love this, Lori. You are an inspiration and a blessing to me.:)
Love,
Mary Anne
Lori, I’ve loved your art for a long time but am just now discovering your blog…and you message today was an amazing parallel to my own. Do you allow bloggers to use your blog posts as guest posts with proper attribution? I think many of my readers would resonate with this message too.
I love your honesty…it’s so open and it’s very very brave. I too am often a mixture of inspired and envious when I see artist after artist get the things I think I deserve too…it’s so hard to remember to be true to who you are and what you have to offer…but I snap faster and faster to that realization and find myself straying from my own path less and less…THANK GOODNESS, ha ha.
Wow Lori. I am right where you were. So stuck in anger and resentment. I shall try and find a ‘speck’ of gratitude. 😉
Wow. How is it that you expressed what I’ve been feeling for quite a while? You articulated what has been in my heart and in my soul. Thank you.
I found your post by way of a link from Tinniegirl and I love the sentiments expressed here, especially on the topic of Envying Others! Battling the Envy Gremlin is a hard one but I keep in mind that my path is my own and it will unfold as it should in all due Time…it’s not always easy to remember but it helps keep the Envy Gremlin at bay 😉
Thank you for sharing your feelings on this topic with such loving honesty =-)
Hi there,
I just discovered your blog. Love your artwork. Am following you now and looking forward to your future postings. Greetings from Indiana, Heidi
I’ve been blog surfing on this sunday afernoon and for some reason I felt I was led here and I want to thank you so much for your words that touched my heart.?
Jess xx